I woke up this morning warm and comfortable next to my girlfriend and my first waking thoughts were looking back at how I had woken up a year before. I wasn't dating at the time so I was alone, and my radio chirped with a weird call requesting ALS for two students found on campus in "cardiac arrest". Something about the dispatcher's voice might have been wrong, but not enough to give me any conscious pause; I looked out the window at grey skys, the wind was howling and snow flurries were blowing horizontally past the window. Instead of going back to sleep I got up and showered, but when I came out I had already forgotten about the wake up call. I was probably five minutes from leaving for work when dispatch came back on requesting all available rescue personnel respond to a shooting on campus. I figured the "cardiac arrests" were a shooting then, but couldn't understand what good we were going to do about an hour later...nevertheless I threw on my jacket that has "rescue" printed across the back, ran out, and of course the reason for the delay is now well known.
Today is a brilliant sunny day, warm, students wandering about with the day off...and as everyone was gathering on the drillfield for the "remembrance" ceremony, the campus looked as much as it ever has like a place where shit like last year just doesn't happen. Knowing it did happen is the hardest part...just one more thing trying to chip at the perception I've always had here that you can leave your car unlocked, front door ajar, and walk alone through the dark on your way home at night. In my opinion, it's a perception worth keeping even though it isn't always true. So for my remembrance of the ones we lost I am going to fight fear by leaving work early and enjoying the day. And maybe propping open any locked doors I happen across.
This weekend my friend Wells drove his "free" truck off into a stream when he missed the turn at the bottom of Dave C.'s driveway.